Allowance

"...Allow yourself to grow..."

This advice was given to me not that long ago, hidden in a swarm of words making up the main message. However, this stood out to me.

"...Allow yourself to grow..."

Allow. Interesting choice of words. I wouldn't say that I'm the one holding myself back from growing, if I'm being held back at all. But now...go back a couple blogs. I said it seemed I was afraid of something, but I couldn't say what. I think I figured it out.

I need to allow myself to grow. It's not that I don't want to grow. I long for it. I've grown so much in such a short period of time. It's the trials that bring you closer to God. But here I sit, still troubled, still wondering where to go, what to do next.

As much as I want to grow, I think I'm afraid of it. With a specific situation I had already mentioned that I knew I should do something about it, that I should take action, but I was afraid. I worried over possible outcomes, possible consequences...I reminded myself over and over how I had taken action before, and that did me no good. I only ended up hurt. Aching. Crushed. I didn't want to feel like that again.

But didn't I?

I still felt the same, I had only numbed my mind. I tried my hardest not to think of it. And here I sit. I voiced my thoughts to a friend. I said that could possibly apply to more than that one situation. He said he bet so. That's what it seems.

See, if I allow myself to grow, that welcomes change. Change, while it may be for the better, is the result of a chance. The chance is what I'm afraid of. Though the result may be good (God will provide,) I was afraid of the journey. The results before it was all over. I was afraid to go after what I wanted most: To grow.

It hurts to question things so much. I'm finally realizing that.

Now, I'm going to attempt to welcome change. Take a chance. Instead of waiting and holding it off, I'm stepping out of my box. If I feel it's right, I'll take it, and pray.

Daniel, for example, goes to the king to gain time so he could interpret his dream so no one would be killed. He then goes home to pray. Why would he take action before confirming that it was right? He didn't pray until he already took action. What if he was wrong?

He may have taken a large chance, but he had faith that God would provide.

Faith.

He knew God would provide and put his full trust in that.

That's what got him through.
That's why the dream was revealed to him.
That's why he was able to interpret it.

Now I'm not completely knowledgeable in this, but I'm learning.

I'm diving deeper.

"The bible's like the ocean. It looks awesome and beautiful from the sand, but once you dive beneath the surface...that's when you discover so much more."

I'm allowing myself to grow.